Rogue vs Paladin – Spidey Librarian

The Rogue Triumphant: Self Care vs Self Indulgence

The rogues I tend to envision myself as in any RPG-style situation are usually more thief-bard-scout hybrids than the more cutthroat assassin-types that seem to be so popular in games like World of Warcraft and Assassin’s Creed. Don’t get me wrong, I see the use for those kinds of rogues, but they just don’t hold any kind of appeal for me personally. I’m not the kind of person who will casually decide to end someone’s life in any situation, even a fictitious one, though I will readily pick someone’s pockets if I feel they’re a jerk who deserves to get taken down a peg.

Rogues are often considered a cowardly lot, the kinds of people who take the easy way out, who would rather backstab than fight hand to hand in a fair fight, and who would just as soon avoid a fight altogether if they can still make off with the prize. It’s the whole “easy way out” aspect to the rogue persona that probably dominates the one who collides with my inner paladin so regularly. You saw in my previous post how the rogue tried to influence me to keep a library item when I shouldn’t have done so. He wasn’t advocating that I directly harm anyone–I don’t think I could keep the counsel or company of anyone who did, real or otherwise–just that I benefit myself for a little while longer, and flout those silly rules for a bit. That’s all.

And the thing is, I often wonder if the rogue has been the guiding light for the larger part of my adult life so far. He’s been pretty damn persuasive over the years, in quite a few ways:

He’s convinced me to sleep in rather than get up early and eat breakfast before I begin my regular days;
He’s persuaded me to continue to eat foods and indulge in habits that have likely been detrimental to my health over time; and
He’s even gotten me to back out of commitments I’d previously made (to go across town and hang out with a friend or friends), even if I hadn’t originally wanted to do them, simply by reminding me how little I’d enjoy myself if I followed through.

It’s been easy for me to listen to the rogue, because for the most part I’ve had little fallout from taking his advice. I’m graced with a thin-wiry build that hasn’t really changed (much) over the years, despite what I may choose to eat; I’ve never felt significantly bad when I skipped breakfast; and my friends have always been understanding when I’ve asked to bail on them once in a while. I’ve been able to glide through a lot of these things, and the rogue has blithely enabled this. Hell, he even tried to get me not to write this post just now, suggesting I just play video games to unwind.

The thing is, time has passed, and that tends to make fools of us all.

My numbers from my doctor have steadily worsened over the years. I’ve noticed I’m nowhere near as firm as I used to be, and I’ve even gained a little weight, even if my overall frame hasn’t changed. I’m hovering at alarming numbers for cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar levels, and was recently diagnosed as being pre-diabetic. And I’ve come to realize that when I don’t see my friends for long enough, those relationships can wither away and die.

Never fear. I’ve taken steps to correct these things, but it’s a daily struggle. The rogue continues to hold sway, suggesting I occasionally take the day off from my exercise regiment, or to maybe nibble on that delicious looking donut just this once. Nowadays I can resist him and do, but sometimes I still succumb to his clarion call.

Because at the end of the day, the rogue isn’t a bad persona. He bends or ignores the rules because sometimes, the rules are stupid. And what he’s advocating for is for me to enjoy life to the fullest extent possible, which I’m sure is a thing we as people can always get behind. Sometimes the rogue has gotten me to ignore the rules about print card procedures at the library, and just print a page (or three) for free for an individual who just needs the print, now, so they can get to a job interview on time. Sometimes my paladin-esque instincts have gotten in the way of this, and sometimes I want to kick myself for it. That’s where the rogue’s strengths shine.

He is noble, in his own way. Which is why, even if his influence is waning these days, he’ll never fully go away. He understands life, and living, and the people who do it way more than the paladin who believes in rules, and service to a higher purpose. That’s why they’ll both always be here.

And that’s why, at least once in a while, the rogue will get the win.

When the Paladin Wins Out: A Library Tale

Books, Movies, Self Improvement

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have a paladin and a rogue vying for influence over my actions. Sometimes paladin wins out, sometimes the rogue does.

This story is one in which my inner paladin demonstrates why being the goody-goody sometimes works out for the better.

In spending time with one of my friends a few months ago, we ended up talking about Frank Abagnale, Jr., who is the basis for Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in the movie Catch Me If You Can. I had neither seen the movie nor read the autobiographical book after which it was named, but Mr. Abagnale’s life was so fascinating that I soon ended up seeing the movie after that conversation (it’s GREAT! If you haven’t seen it yet, do so). I knew I had to read the biography next.

I’m a librarian by profession, so I had easy access to the means to acquire it. I put a hold on the book, got it a few days later, and started reading. It was a fascinating book, but as many of you know, life often gets in the way of your leisure reading time. I was only about 100 pages into the book when it came due, so I went to renew it–and found that another library customer already had a hold on it.

Now, when a customer has a hold on a book or other library item you have checked out, that means you need to return it by the date it was due when you checked it out. You can’t renew or extend the due date on that item, as you’ve had the length of the loan period–usually 2 or 3 weeks–to read, watch, or listen to the item in question. If you don’t return the item by its due date, you are penalized with a daily fine. Many library customers are familiar with all of this.

Since I was a library employee, though, I had a privilege that our other customers didn’t. I wasn’t fined for items that were overdue (at least not at first–you could be charged for the replacement of the item if it wasn’t returned by a certain point). It was at this point where the rogue and the paladin started to pull me in different directions.

The rogue whispered in my ear to finish Catch Me If You Can. I could have kept the book, which I was really enjoying and really did want to read. I could delay for however long it took me to read the book, which wouldn’t have been that long, right? What harm could really come of it?

But the paladin had words for me, too. Words of honor, and integrity, and the idea that library rules existed for a reason. Would not I be undermining the system by which our taxpayers are supposed to be guaranteed free, equitable access to library items if I selfishly kept them when I shouldn’t? How could I call myself a good librarian if I didn’t support it?

The paladin won out that day. As a library manager, it was up to me to set a good example for my co-workers and not abuse my privileges. Besides which, I’d seen cases of staff abuse of their privileges that had resulted in people losing their jobs and/or being disciplined because of it. I didn’t want to go down that path, or even start to.

So, with a heavy heart, I played by the rules, checked in the book that was due, and put it in transit to the next customer, forlornly wondering if I would be able to continue reading Catch Me If You Can anytime soon.

As it turned out, it was very soon.

Not five minutes later, I was at the desk, and looking for items to shelve. A customer came in, returned some items and left before I could issue them a receipt. Imagine my delighted surprise when I got to the audiobook they’d returned, which happened to be the book I had been reading, Catch Me If You Can. And, as a bonus, it had no existing holds on it.

I didn’t actually let out a whoop and jump for joy, but I did do a small arm pump and grin big as I checked the audiobook out. I actually really enjoy audiobooks, and spent enough time in my car that I would easily finish this one within two week. I decided to start listening to it from the beginning, and ended up loving the whole thing.

And I could swear the paladin was smiling down at me, and at the rogue, who was rolling his eyes dismissively. His words to both, “You see? Even when you can’t always see it, there is always a way to do right and still be victorious.”

Touché, Mr. Paladin. Touché.

Rogue vs Paladin: Two Sides of My Nature, Perpetually Struggling

Self Improvement

Everyone has that struggle within them: the better part of their natures versus the more selfish, baser part. Some of us see it in black and white terms: good against evil, the angel on your shoulder versus the devil. It all boils down to our choices, and asks the same basic questions of all of us: what kind of person am I, when it comes down to it? Am I a noble, self-sacrificing soul, or am I self-absorbed and out for only myself?

I take a somewhat less conventional–and infinitely more geeky–approach to this question. For me, it comes down to the struggle between two D&D archetypes that seem to encompass my personality and mindsets pretty well: the paladin vs. the rogue. Tending towards the side of angels, we have the paladin, the lawful good, the person who plays by the rules, works tirelessly for the good of others, and who will sacrifice when it comes down to it. A little less angelic, there is the rogue, the chaotic neutral. The rogue is more self-serving, greedy, and at times downright lazy or cowardly.

They are both archetypes I identify with.

The attraction for this dichotomy, for me, is the imperfection inherent in the assumed natures of the characters. Sure, paladin’s can be noble and holy and selfless, but they’ve also been highly destructive and myopic in their vows to “serve a higher cause.” Likewise, while rogues are presumably less noble and more selfish, they’re also often portrayed as being more grounded in human nature than paladins, and often able to sympathize with others in closer ways. We all know the trope of the jerk with a heart of gold. More often than not, that jerk tends to fit the rogue archetype (Han Solo, anyone? Mal Reynolds? Strider, aka Aragorn?).

I’ve often been called to task by others for my tendency to both know and follow the rules, or at least my perception of them. For the most part, for example, I don’t lie on insurance forms; I report bank errors that occur in my favor; and I don’t exploit flaws or bugs in video games, especially if I feel they give an unfair advantage over others. My rigidity on these things has often been met with mild annoyance, or amusement, and at one time I was referred to as being “lawful good” on certain matters such as this. I therefore tend to think of this as the paladin portion of my persona.

On the other hand, I’ve committed the occasional selfish action, usually if I feel it doesn’t really hurt anyone and that doing the nobler thing would be far outweighed by the sheer inconvenience, pain, or potential harm I would have to endure. I’ve been lazy when meaning to be productive; I’ve strayed from or flat-out ignored diets and/or exercising; and I’ve occasionally ignored whimpering pets clawing at my door so I could sleep a little bit longer. This hedonistic, rationalizing rascal is the rogue portion of my persona and temperament.

These two characters battle for control of my actions all the time, and each side scores victories to varying degrees regularly. And again, while one may seem better, or higher than the other, it’s actually a lot more complicated that you might initially think. Often times, I’ll roll up a happy-go-lucky rogue when I’m playing Dungeons & Dragons or some similar type of roleplaying game (tabletop OR video), but often my play style ends up being that of the goody-two-greaves paladin.

I’ll go more into how they influence me and how I view them later, but for now, I like to think it’s these two archetypes that exist on my shoulder rather than the angel and the devil.